They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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