Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
