she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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