Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
thus making me awesome and them whores
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
