Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
