You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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