I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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