i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
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I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
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Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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