If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
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