The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
