I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize