My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Enjoy the penises
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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