How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
