Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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