i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
