I hate your face
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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