Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
