I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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