It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Farmville is her only friend.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
