It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
