I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
