i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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