Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
