If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
