DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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