I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize