She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
