idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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