whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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