too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
