Apparently you make a good broom.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
