I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
why is half of my head shaved?
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