i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
