i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
