My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
