I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
