I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
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I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
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Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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