Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
