Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
