WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
