Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
