Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
