wrigley field is MILF paradise
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
