just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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