Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
