I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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