You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
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Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Boobs speak an international language.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize