I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
