just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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