dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
