Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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