I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
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No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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