The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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