Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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