How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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