I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
