I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
