can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
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I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
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I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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