You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
